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Songs of Solomon

Married Life and thoughts on love

15 Reasons Being Married is SO much better than dating

  1.  I never have to be worried or concerned about who I am waking up next to. It’s the same beautiful, loving face I see every morning.
  2. The one guy I always wanted/dreamed about/ hoped I could snag will be my #foreverdate to any event that I will ever attend. (Sorry ladies!)
  3. He’s my #foreverboyfriend. And as of right now, 1 year in, we still act like/feel like we are dating. It’s all the great feelings without any of the worry about breaking up.
  4. I can fight with him and not worry about him just walking out. It’s a lot harder to end a marriage than it is to just say, “I’m over this, bye.”
  5. My best friend gets to watch me succeed (and fail) for the rest of my life, and is legally obligated to love me through it. (Lolz, sorry for the constant struggles and tears babe).
  6. Nobody telling you what is “allowed” or “appropriate” for your relationship any more – you can officially become “one.”
  7. Dating is exhausting, period. Long term relationships are where it’s at. No more mind games, no more guessing if he’s going to call me back or if he likes me.
  8. My husband and I are figuring out the roles in our relationship – how we want to divvy up chores, who cooks more, who’s in charge of laundry, etc. And that’s something that will never change unless we decide to change it! No more constantly figuring out what’s ok to take charge of or what I should leave alone for him to take care of.
  9. I have complete confidence that no matter what comes out of my mouth, he’s going to love me anyway. So even when I’m stupid, a jerk, or wonderful, he’s seen it all and still signed up for more.
  10. The most exciting thing to think about is having a miniature Jon running around our house.
  11. I’ve watched him grow up more in the past couple years than I’ve seen a lot of my other friends and guys I dated grow up in almost a decade.  And I’ve had an upfront and close view, passenger side ride in it all. It’s pretty cool.
  12. #foreverboyfriend again. Remember, your relationship only gets old if you let it. We are really good about going on adventures and keeping things interesting, and we haven’t just gotten comfortable and settled yet! He still makes me feel like a big deal, I still tell him how hot he is and how much I love to tell people “I’m married to THAT hot guy.”
  13. Right now, we don’t have kids and that’s just fine. We have two dogs that we’ve had for the past two years of our relationship that have grown up with us (we got one of them when he was just a puppy). I got to watch Jon go from the guy who thought animals were just animals without personalities, to becoming the guy that’s loving on his dog and treats him like he is his child! (Because, let’s face it, our fur-babies with four legs are our children right now).
  14. When I want to do something, there’s nothing or anyone holding me back. He’s always down to be weird, geeky, nerdy, or adventurous with me.
  15. I always have someone to go to the grocery store with me, and do laundry with me, and clean the apartment and dishes with. There’s something extraordinary about doing the ordinary things with the person who’s the love of your life. No searching, no trying to impress them, just doing gross things like cleaning the toilets, washing dirty socks and underwear, and washing petrified food of off plates with. Doing the “real life” things with him (aka adulating) is the best part of my life. We’re figuring it out and it’s pretty fun.

All in all, dating can be a really fun adventure! But it can also be exhausting and spike even more self-doubt than just a normal sad, questioning young adult trying to figure out what the crap is going on with life.

 

-P

My Husband Doesn’t Post About Me on Social Media (and That’s Fine With Me)

We’ve all seen the posts. The sappy, romantic, love-letter-like, nearly obsessive social media posts that significant others put out there about each other. Sometimes the “Man-crush Mon…

Source: My Husband Doesn’t Post About Me on Social Media (and That’s Fine With Me)

haylee –You keep me safe. On a Thursday night, or a Sunday morning. When the clouds fill the sky and the rain softly hits the window. When the moon greets the stars and the sun kisses the ocean. You keep me safe. When the outside world is too much to bare. From a rough day…

via You Keep Me Safe, And I’ll Keep You Wild — Thought Catalog

You’re the one who may always be ‘too much’ for the people who are calm and complacent and steady. But you’ll never be too much for the fierce ones.

via For The Women Who Feel Like ‘Too Much’ — Thought Catalog

georgia.may.pjThere’s an old quote that I completely love: “Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them.” — Unknown Yes. Yessss. I want to take whoever came up with that line and just freaking squeeze them. They understand.…

via Date The Girl That Drives You Crazy — Thought Catalog

20 things I wish my husband knew without me having to tell him 

1. It does bug me when you watch 20 hours of television in a row without moving off the couch. 

2. I do think you can be a doctor, a teacher, or whatever you decide you want to be that day. 

3. When I ask for your help, it’s because I want you involved in what I’m doing. There are times  I could open that jar or jump on the counter to reach something, but it makes you have to be near me and I’m fine with it. Sorry it annoys you. 

4. You’re the smartest guy I know. 

5. I wish you were more confident in what you bring to the world. You’ve got so much to offer. It makes me sad to see you hide it because you’re afraid of failure. 

6. You really are my favorite person. I don’t just say that. I mean it. 

7. When I tell you I’m not happy, it’s not because you’re a bad husband. Sometimes I just still feel like I’m looking for something. 

8. I’m sooooo ready for babies with you! 

9. I fully believe our children will have the thickest, curliest, most uncontrollable hair that the world has ever seen. 

10. They will also be the most beautiful creatures to ever live. 

11. You can do anything you put your mind to. Stop being held back by your fear. 

12. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. And I’m so glad you picked me, despite my hellish family, mood/mental illnesses, and overall just the hot mess I am. 

13. Sometimes I like snuggling our dogs more than you. Sorry. 

14. You snore. Like for real. It’s horrible. 

15. You also flop around the bed at night. Also horrible. 

16. I love you despite your flopping and snoring. Your snoring is the only kind that doesn’t keep me awake. 

17. I can’t imagine ever being with someone else. Even when you annoy me to DEATH! 

18. You have moments where you have zero motivation and are super lazy. But you’re working past it and that’s fun. 

19. I’d really like to learn to cook. Sorry I can’t. 

20. A lot of times I’m frustrated or angry for no real reason. I’m sorry for that, but I can’t do anything about it when it happens. But it hurts my feelings when you call me moody. I’m working on it. 
Love you 💖

-P

Letter to the Greatest Gift I’ve Ever Received 

I read a blog post by a friend yesterday that was entitled “letter to the love of my life” and it sparked an interest. But, to respect her own idea and her blog I changed my title but kept the idea. (Thanks @nowherewomanblog). So, here we go. 

Dear Husband, 

I started out this post with the title “Letter to the greatest man I’ve ever known,” because that’s what you are. But then I thought about it and realized that in reality, that’s Jesus, but to me you’re a close second. That may be blasphemous, but oh well. I know you well enough to know you aren’t perfect. I know your flaws, your insecurities, what your biggest regret(s) is, and how you like to eat hot Cheetos every chance you get. 

I’m working on a lot of things, but right now my biggest priority has been teaching myself to uplift you, encourage you, and always remind you how special and important and wonderful you are. Before you, there was a lot of darkness in my life; now, I live in the constant shadow of the light you are constantly giving off. I am so thankful for your wittiness, your nerdiness, your constant patience with me, and the overwhelming amount of love you constantly give me even without trying. 

You are the most generous, compassionate, the strongest, smartest, and most fun person I have ever met. You have been and forever will be the greatest friend I’ve ever had, and the only person I am 100% confident and comfortable in my own skin. I love everything about you. Even the things I don’t like, I love. (And yes I am fully aware that that is what Jackson Avery said to April and I’m cool with it so just go with me.) I know your flaws and your mistakes were meant for me, they challenge me to be better for you and for our relationship. 

Marriage has been the hardest but the most amazing part of my life. Our struggles are just that: ours. I know now that I will never struggle alone again, unless it is by my own stubborn strong headed-ness that keeps me from coming to you. You have been my greatest supporter and my safe place for over 5 years now, and that is not something anyone else could say. You taught me how to love the world – even if it’s mostly just because you are in it. 
Any doubts I may have had of God’s goodness or his faithfulness have been silenced by the experience of learning how to love you. Always, continually, never ceasing, the motto is simply: better. Better than yesterday, better than who I have been, better than I will do today. 

I know that I’m not an easy wife. I’m stubborn, anxious, consistently failing in many ways and many things, but you never give up on me. Without your encouragement and the courage I’ve gotten from you, I wouldn’t be here today. You were there at my darkest hour and I know you will be when maybe I figure out how to shine my light best. The greatest part of that is knowing that you do not dim my light even with your immense shadow, you somehow increase the brightness. We are truly one now, and I couldn’t ask for more. 

I love you. Thank you. 
-P 

When Love Isn’t Enough

There are days when I wonder why I got married. I’m talking about the true, gut-dropping, terrifying feeling of “what have I done?” These days are horrible, and thankfully they don’t come very often.

Jon and I have fights. A lot of them. Being married for less than a year, spending half of the week every week apart is not doing our marriage any favors. No, we don’t have an abusive relationship, and no, I’m not disappointed in who he’s turned out to be or how our life is turning out. But there are times where I’m alone again at our house, dealing with our very large dogs who are going crazy or who have peed in the house, and I wonder if maybe I should have thought a little more about this decision.

The devil likes to whisper things in my ear when I’m vulnerable – things like “This sure isn’t a fairytale.” “You weren’t ready for this, and he wasn’t ready for this. What were you thinking?” Along with the assorted, “You know why you’re alone, don’t you? This is what it’s going to be like for the rest of your life” type thoughts which are honestly the worst.

I have a lot of moments where I’m terrified that I’m not making the right decision, or that I’ve made poor choices, or that I’m ruining my marriage by being myself. Insecurity and doubt are my two worst struggles, they always have been. But at the same time, as soon as Jon gets home, most of those insecurities, and the doubts, and the fear goes away. Sometimes it doesn’t, and that’s ok.

When evaluating our marriage, I have found that it’s important to focus on what we do have. What I have learned. I have learned that my life and our life is so much better when I surrender it to Jesus, and not try to man-handle it into submission (which is my instinct). I’ve learned that over the past eight months, God has continued to bless us with just what we need, when we need it. It reminds me of the widow in 2 Kings 4, who had only oil in the house, and not very much at that. Elisha stepped in, and once again a miracle happened (one of his 28):

She left him and shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. When all the jars were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another one.”

But he replied, “There is not a jar left.” Then the oil stopped flowing.

The oil did not stop flowing until every jar was full. That’s exactly how my life has been. We have been hurting for money or for resources, and yet we will somehow always have enough for what we need. And for right now, that’s enough.

I also know that my life is not the worst it could be. But honestly, struggle is struggle, and people shouldn’t minimize someone’s hurt or struggle by comparing it to someone else’s. I have a wonderful husband who is constantly growing and that I’ve gotten to watch grow up right before my eyes. I have in laws that consistently will do anything and everything in their power to make our lives better and easier. I have two sweet furbabies who love everything about me and Jon, even when they are getting on my nerves. I’ve been blessed beyond measure. Today, I’m choosing to rest in the good things instead of focusing on the bad things.

 

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

 

Who Knows?

I promised myself I would do better about posting frequently, or at least consistently. But it seems that in this moment, I’m in a season of failure. I’m failing to myself in a lot of things that I wanted/promised myself I would change.

But that is not the whole story. I am also in a season of change, and of learning. I am learning how to be a good wife (I’m in the first month of marriage – might I say, it’s quite intimidating) and how to honor God within my married life. I am also learning how to be content with “leaving and cleaving” as they say – if you’re confused about what I’m talking about, you can see it here in Genesis 2 and the cross-references.

I would be lying if I said that my faith-life hasn’t been a struggle over the past few months. I’ve had so much struggle, so much pain, and so much heartache during a period of my life that others told me was supposed to be the “best time” or the “best day” of your life. I have struggled with my family, with my friends, and with myself, and because of that, I have been very downcast and very disappointed in God’s plans and his works in my life. I so wanted what everyone told me to expect, but in the end, it just wasn’t what God wanted me to experience (obviously). So, here I am.

Over the past few days, I have been reflecting on my life, and on how I have been treating my relationship with Jesus during this hard, hard time of my life. And I must say, I’m just exhausted. When things began happening, I did what I always did, which was run to Jesus. I ran to Him in prayer, through my Bible, through my community of Jesus-lovers, but nothing made the struggle easier. For the first time in my life, running to Jesus wasn’t enough to make the struggle easier or make the struggle seem worth it. I still did not see the good in what was happening in my life. I saw no inkling of purpose, other than to bring about an immense amount of pain and destruction to what I had been trying so hard to build. I held on tight to what I thought HE had given me, and I didn’t ever stop to think that maybe I just needed to let go. To let go of those friendships that disappointed me, to let go of the destructive family relationships I have had my entire life, and to let go of my expectations for myself and my life; and because I clung (or cleaved, haha) to those ideals and those expectations, I stayed frustrated and upset and exhausted. The worst part was that after a while of feeling so overwhelmed and tired, instead of just letting go and staying with Jesus, I held on to my hurt and my heartache, and decided that talking to Jesus was just too painful and was pointless. [Now, I am NOT saying that I gave up on my faith, or that I turned my back on Jesus. I am saying that I had no desire to seek him or to speak with him, even about my struggles]. I became dried up. No fruit has been growing from my vine for a while now, and I have seen no growth.

And it breaks my heart.

Thankfully, I have an amazingly wonderful husband, who is so much stronger than me, wiser than me, and loves Jesus more than he loves me – and because of that, my silence and anger towards Jesus has been called out. My husband demanded that he pray for me (and us, but mostly me) and for my faith to be strengthened and renewed. This prayer was enough to break my heart that has been hardened for a while now; and this prayer was enough to make me reflect and begin to seek a way to strengthen my heart and teach myself a better way to cope with things when they are hard and when I’m disappointed with how things are going.

So my challenge for myself now, is to turn to Jesus always. Praying without ceasing did not seem to be enough for me this past struggle-season. I need instead to learn how to pray without ceasing, and to hope without becoming weary.

It’s not much, but I’m taking it one step at a time to begin to rebuild and refocus my relationship with my savior. I know that he never moved, and that his hand is still extended out for mine in friendship, love, and an unceasing commitment to saving me. For that I am more thankful than I can express. For now, I’m simply resting in these words:

“but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:31.

“Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.” Luke 18:1

“Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.” 2 Corinthians 4:1.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;” 2 Corinthians 4:8.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?” Romans 8:35 (and really all of More than Conquerors in Romans 8).

“Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me.” Song of Solomon 3:4.

and PS: To Jon, my best friend and husband, I am so thankful for you, for your faith, and for your constant and unwavering love for us and hope for us. Without you, I don’t know where I would be. You’re the best part of my life, and I’m so glad that I can honestly say I get to look forward to the rest of my life with your light and your love. I love you so much.

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