There are a lot of days that I just really feel lost, and like I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never really felt like I fit in, but there are times that I’m so sure that I was meant for a different generation or a different world that it’s painful to stay here where I am.
Don’t get me wrong – I love my life. I’m confident that God has a purpose for me and that His will is greater than mine, but it’s hard to walk in faith sometimes. When you don’t see anything positive occurring, and it feels like the entire world is blowing up, it’s hard to stay focused on following the will of someone you’ve never even seen with your own two eyes.
But that’s faith, I guess.
I look up at the sky and look at all of the different ecosystems and biospheres that exist, and I’m amazed at how someone could believe that all of these things were created by an accident. That seems more magical and mystical to me than believing that someone knowingly and lovingly created the world we live in – placed exactly where it needed to be for survival, with everything necessary to sustain us in a way that is (mostly) renewable within itself. To think of the intricacies of the human anatomy and physiology, how everything is in sync (or should be). It’s crazy to me to think that could have occurred by accident. In nature, everything that has not been touched by human hands and humanity, things that remain unmarred by our existence – they are beautiful. They serve a purpose. How could this have happened by accident?
When I start to feel lost, going outside and marveling in the wonder of the natural world usually fixes it. But sometimes it doesn’t. Most of the time that is caused by my depression or anxiety, because no matter how much you can understand something logically, chemicals alter your mood so much more strongly than pure logic. This is unfortunate, but it is the way it is. I don’t believe all this crap that people tell other people (usually Christians) that if they loved Jesus enough they wouldn’t be depressed, because you would have joy and a “peace that passes understanding.” You can have peace and still be anxious. You can feel joy but still be depressed. These are not mutually exclusive ideas. Do not make someone question their faith because of a chemical disorder. Remind them that there is always tomorrow, and to not lose hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there is a purpose behind this crappy moment in time. Be light like Jesus tells you to be, jerkface. Don’t pull more darkness in.
I guess the point of this post is just this – as Christians, I believe that we are meant to believe in the purpose and the amazing creativity of our Creator. We are meant to be light to people who are in darkness, whether that be sin or depression. We are not meant to be cruel, to intentionally harm, or to be hateful towards people. If God is love, then remember that we are meant to intention our lives to being more like him. And he gives us an explicit definition of love:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (ESV)
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”
I added the emphasis to the above verses. Sometimes I think Christians focus so much on what nonbelievers are that they forget to be what they were called to be. We are told to be like Christ, who is God. And God is love. Apply this definition to everyone you meet, and maybe more people will understand why we believe grace is so important, and the changes that can happen when you let God in your heart.
Although love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, it does not insist on its own way. I believe that the lost can be guided more with a gentle hand and a gentle word of encouragement than they can be with a whip and a list of rules so long and ridiculous it would take your entire life just to learn them.
I just know how I feel when I get lost sometimes. Just something to think about.