This past couple weeks have been extremely difficult for me. I’m struggling with a lot of things in my personal and spiritual life, and I’m grappling with a lot of my personal insecurities and I’m learning just how much they impact my relationships with others and how I love other people.
Because of many incidents and problems that I’ve faced in my past life, I have a really hard time trusting people. This isn’t one of those “oh I don’t trust people, but let me tell you about my life” type things, this is a struggle that when someone isn’t in front of me, I have a hard time believing that they are still the same person around other people. I struggle with believing that they love me, that they aren’t just sitting around talking about how awful I am, or how depressed I am, or how annoying I am, etc.
This past week especially, I’ve noticed just how much that interferes and limits how easily and freely I can love people. My social anxiety, my insecurities, my struggles, they all reflect into my relationships with my friends, my boyfriend, my family, and even strangers. I don’t have the courage to be completely open and myself around people that I don’t know very well. Instead, I close myself off, become extremely quiet, and observe everyone else engaging each other. But yet I still get my feelings hurt that no one pursues me to get to know me, or that no one makes an effort to include me. It’s taken a lot of thinking, a lot of self and soul searching to realize that this is something that the devil has planted in my heart.
These insecurities draw me from the grace and the love I feel in Christ, because it makes me focus on all of the ugly and horrible parts of myself, when in reality, those things have not only been forgiven, but they have been covered in Christ’s blood and no longer even apply to who I am in Christ. That’s the important part though. In Christ. Without Christ, not only am I unworthy but I am nothing. But in Christ,
I am loved. John 3:16, Ephesians 2:4-5, Romans 5:8
I am accepted.Ezekiel 20:40-41, Romans 11:1, John 6:37
I am forgiven. 1 John 1:9, Isaiah 43:25-26, 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am protected. Nahum 1:7, 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, Deuteronomy 10:17-19
I am filled with the breath of God. John 20:21-22, Job 33:4, Job 32:8
I am a sister to Christ himself. Matthew 12:48-50, Philemon 1:6, Galatians 4:5-7
This next week, I’m choosing to focus on my identity in Christ instead of the world. Will you join me?
from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2